SSOOO.... How are you??

Yeah ok I know I suck at really staying up with this... A lot has just been going on and this just hasn't been a top priority for me. So here is my quick update. I'm not dancing anymore. I'm moving on with my life. I quit my job, I'm going to be transferring schools in January and do something else that I love to do. I'm dating the most amazing guy in the world and it's really serious. We are planning on spending the rest of our lives together, but we are going to wait a little while before we get married that way we can be better prepared financially, emotionally, and spiritually as individuals and as a couple. We study the gospel together and we spend as much time together as possible. He is leaving the beginning of January for Basic Training, and then he will go to AIT. then when he Comes home on leave we will probably make it official. then he is going to Cali for some language training where we will probably take turns going to see each other. Then we'll get married as soon as he is done with that. We want to be able to have a long courtship before we get married so that hopefully it will give us both the time we need to be able to learn a lot more about each other through talking, conversing, and visiting each other. But we shall wait and see what happens. We are both really excited about it all. We are a very goal oriented couple, so we are always making new goals for ourselves to work on and grow closer together while we do so. He treats me like I've never been treated before. In a way that is equivalent of how a queen is treated. He never seizes to amaze me in anything he does. Here are a couple pics of us...

It's been Awhile

Ok so I know it's been awhile since I've written anything so that's why I'm doing this now... Currently I'm laying in a hotel bed, in a suite... that costs like $500 for one night. Here's the story my uncle hasn't been able to come into town to see his son for awhile and his wife got sick so they ended up not being able to come in this weekend either.... so he asked my mom and me if we could please drive River out to him to see him. Of course we said yes. However... I didn't know this at first but he is pretty much paying us to lol... He is paying for our gas, our stay in this suite and everything... But even if he wasn't we still probably would have loved to do it. Something with me and my mom and traveling... we both love to... but neither of us really gets too.. that's what happens when you don't have very much money though... One day I will go anyways though.. I want to see the world and I shall... its no longer just something I've dreamed about well still do... it's officially on my goal list. not on the dream goal list either... the I will do this someday goal list. idk when but I will. So everything in life is actually going pretty good right now... I'm feeling so much happier. I have my testimony growing more each day and am receiving blessings that I never dreamed I would for learning to put God first in my life. By doing this I've learned that it keeps my family first in my life still... but in a different aspect that I couldn't see before... I'm learning more about myself than I ever have. I can now look back on my life and see things I could never see before. I am making a list of what I really want in my life and what I need in my life. And the more time goes by of course things change on occasion however I'm finding the things I want in my life to make more sense. When I wrote before about just wanting to dance... That was a childhood dream.. It was something I think I always dreamed of but knew would never be mine... its funny that all I wanted to do was dance... to dance all day and all night so that that's all I felt. I wanted to do that to hide how I felt. To hide my fears. To hide from myself. But by trying to push myself to do this... I ended up learning that I wasn't meant to do that.. I finally was able to grasp that I'm not supposed to be a dancer anymore... I will always be a dancer, I will always dance, I will always love it. But I've learned that there are more important things to life that dancing or one silly childhood dream. You see I learned to see that I had another dream long before I dreamed of Juilliard. I wanted to be a mom. I wanted to learn to be somebody important in someone else's life, someone like I have in mine. Dancing has been a big part of my life.. but it isn't my whole life. I reached my goals. I reached the top the hardest goals I had set.. I made the touring team at the University. And not only that but then I made the competing World Championship Latin Medley team. I was good enough for that. I touched the top... And you know what I found out when I did.... It's not what I really wanted anymore. It's not something my body could physically handle. It put me in pain. both physically and emotionally. So I finally did what I knew I needed to do, it was time. So I walked away. I did not quit I did not give up. I learned a new love, a new happiness. It was me. By subjecting myself to all that I was trying to do I was really running away from myself. I just didn't know it. You see I was to afraid. To afraid to let go of the past and to afraid to let go of what I knew and find something else. I got so comfortable in my past and in a world that never changed... All I did was danced and then had a negative life. And honestly that's not a good thing... I was to scared to let go of stupid things that had happened that I just wanted to try to dance to run away and hide my feelings... I wanted to try to just forget that you have to feel to really live. I now feel as if a burden were lifted off of my shoulders. My life is amazing. The people around me, my surroundings, myself. But I couldn't see that before. Now I can. And I can feel too. I'm learning the gift of forgiveness, and the gift of moving on and finding something like happiness again. But this time I know that there are consequences. I know that with Joy there does come pain. But if there were no pain, there would be no joy, and then there would be no life. You can't truly be happy until you learn that sometimes you do have to hurt... Opposites attract and the world can't exist without them. And neither can we. I know that with every time I'm happy there will probably be a moment of sadness at some point of my life... but you know I've learned to be ok with that. I've learned that even with keeping the future in mind and never loosing sight of what you want you can still just live in the moment and not worry to much. Just like right now. I'm happy, maybe happier than I've been in a long time... maybe even since I was a young girl and I was up in the canyon with my family and I caught every ones capacity for their licenses for fishing and no one else caught a thing... lol My life is good. And I'm good. I have an amazing family. My dad provides for us and he is the best dad I could have ever asked for. He doesn't always understand things right, or do the right things, or even say the right things. But he is one of the best men I've ever known. He's changed my life for the better. I wouldn't ever think of praying to God to change one little thing about him.. unless he were sick and I wanted him to get better. My mom is person that I look towards as an example and as someone that I can only dream of being like. She is that special person that I have always looked towards to know that that's what I want to be. She means so much to me and she is a major stronghold for me. You know she is laying in a bed not 5 feet from me, and I know that I've told her a million times how much I love her and how much I look to her for guidance, support, love, example, role model, calmness serenity, and happiness, but I don't know as if she will ever know how much it really is. How much I truly love her and look to her. I couldn't and wouldn't ever ask, pray, or beg or even think about someone better existing... because I know that it's not possible. She might not believe that... but I know that it's true.. I just pray that she knows how much she really does mean to me and how much I really love her. My brother taught me so much... one thing he taught me was don't take things that you love and care about for granite... because you never know when they will be gone. He almost passed when he was younger... That was my first lesson of how much he really meant to me in my life. Idk what I would do without him. He is someone that I look to for so many different things... He's so great at so many things... but he just can't see it... I wished he could. he's one of the best people I know and have ever met. He's a top priority in my life and I think always will be. All of my family are amazing and i shall always think it. I have learned to put the gospel first and a top priority in my life... By doing so, I've found an amazing boyfriend in one of the best friends I have now. He has taught me so much, and in a short amount of time. And I just continue to learn from him. Every time I see him, every time he reads with me, and every time I can see a smile cross my face and know that it's real and it's not just a show for anyone. All and all my life is going really good right now... I think the only thing that I'm having a hard time with at the moment is the whole finding a new job thing... I need one of those.. that way I can transfer schools to the school where I have been able to find a new love at. And yet still be able to make my car payment so that I don't loose Baloo. But aside from that everything is looking up. My friends are all great. And being good examples to me as well. Well there is a little update on my life, and a little extra. Something that goes beyond the surface. Something that I was able to share, and hopefully have help in defining itself and just know that there is a reason for everything, and no matter what it is, there is always someone there next to you, that loves you and that does care what happens. I take that back, there is a couple people that feel that way. I know this because I'm one of them. and always will be... Don't ever forget that. I must go for now. I must rest this potnotted up head of mine so that it will hopefully stop pounding... And maybe tomorrow I'll write about how I sustained a concussion and how I came to the realization of how other things really do matter in life... I guess sometimes you just have to have an experience that will either make something or break something, for you to see the more important things in life. Like being happy. :) My love goes out to all of you who read this!!!! May you're day be blessed and let it go wonderful for you. Peace ~Kim

Ok so wow I made a big change in my life.

Ok so I was in a lot of pain awhile ago and doing all of those testing to figure out what is wrong... Well sad thing is is that we still don't know what is going on with me... I'm still in a lot of pain and it hurts to pretty much do anything to active... Before I go on for a minute I need to ask any of you to please not freak out at me for a decision that I made... I've already dealt with a few people doing this... It doesn't make it any easier for me when people aren't very supportive... However I just want you all to know that I am officially no longer a dancer... I'm still waiting for some paperwork to go through but I am being medically withdrawn from the dance program here at the University... I am off team now... out of all my dance classes... and working on getting better now. It's not easy for me to think of it as the fact that I'm no longer dancing... that's all I've ever done... That's all I've ever known... Most of you know that if someone else tells me I can't do something... especially when it comes to someone telling me I can't dance... However when it's myself and the Big Man upstairs telling me... it's a little easier to follow it... This is something that I've really been praying about and trying to find comfort and guidance in my decisions... But I know now that it really was the right decision that I made. I told my coach last wed.. and of course I was like bawling... but I did ask him to at least let me to finish out team that week because we had a performance Friday Night... I asked him if he'd let me do one last performance before I had to quit. My coach agreed to this.... So I kept feeling like this sucks... but I have been really surprised and proud of myself for how Positive I've been.... Because I know that this is what I need in my life. Dancing is not my future anymore... my future is my kids and my family. You can't deny that, or at least I can't. The Big Man basically told me that if I didn't quit I'd get injured bad enough that I wouldn't be able to have those things... I had reoccurring feelings, thoughts, and nightmares... and I had to make a choice... either them or World Championships... My kids will always take precedence and they are my first priority... So it's either I chose them right now or I chose to be selfish and keep dancing... No thanks... they need to get here... Another positive thing that I have to think of to keep my head up is the fact that my goal was to make the Tour Team and to know that in the coach's eyes I'd be good enough to dance in world championships and make the Latin Medley Team.. Which I did. I made them and I had him tell me that I was doing very good. That is a big thing for me... I know that I made it and that I got to experience it for awhile... I don't need to step onto that floor in England to know that I made it. When I think of it that way it makes it easier... You make your choice when you are in my shoes but I think it'd be far better of a blessing to say: "I'm a mom, look at my beautiful child that I get to spend the rest of eternity with" rather than saying... "Look I have something worldly from Europe and only a memory of stepping onto some hardwood floor covered in sweat.." So please understand my decision of quitting. And please support me when I chose to be with my kids and my family rather than passing something like that up. So the doctors have written me letters to put in with the paperwork and they are proud of my decision and they are fully backing me up when it comes to taking care of my body rather than dancing. Other than that going on everything else is going great in my life. I've got like 3 dates this week... of course they are just like friends type of dates... I'm not thinking of anything serious with any of them... but you just never know... we'll see... I'm sorta waiting to see what is going on with another guy at the moment... Sometimes you just never know you just have to follow the feelings and just take one day at a time... Keep praying and wait until whatever is supposed to happen, to happen... I'm not going to be rushing anything right now. I'm still young and I almost did that once. So I want to know that it is the right thing to do when the time comes. But yeah.... fun fun... my time starts to free up and then it's taken back up by all of my friends etc. which is actually nice because now I actually have time to spend with them now... As well as my family. Today actually was the best. I got to spend the morning with my brother and his baby. I took them out to buy him his blessing outfit and a cute church outfit as a gift from me. They are so adorable!!! We are going to be surprising his wife with them after she gets off work. Then we went to lunch and then now I'm at work... And now by thing I'm waiting for is an email.... :) it's someones P-Day today and I'm sorta looking forward to getting a couple questions answered... I spent a bunch of time up at his families house over the weekend so I decided to ask for his advice on a couple things... and and asking for forgiveness for me and his mom lol... I sorta let her get onto my account online and send him some stuff... So I hope he's not mad now... lol But anywho I think I'm going to head out because I've got to go on break soon so I can go and pick up some paperwork and turn them in for my whole medical withdraw thing.... So I love ya and peace out. Love, Kim

Ok so here is the Good story about my meeting.

Ok so the last thing that you heard about the whole bishop thing was how I really didn't like how he didn't listen to me.... WELL I made sure he listened this time. Before I went I know that I talk to my mom about everything... but there were a few things that I've never told her yet.. So I had a few different talks with my mom to make sure I had told her everything... Not only is it nice to have her as a best friend to be able to talk to about anything but also that she is my mom as well she can actually help me through things and give me good advice.... So I went to see the bishop on a day when I was very sick and was actually in the hospital 2 different times.... And it was really hard because he wasn't there and he ended up being like almost 10-15 mins late. So I was getting in m car getting ready to leave and then he finally pulled up.... So we go inside and all of the chairs that are usually in the hall as 'waiting chairs' were actually in his office... So he is struggling trying to get one for my mom to sit on... And I just sorta asked him what he was doing and then he looked at my mom and said did you want a chair or were you going to go sit on the couch... or what... So then my mom looked at me and asked "um... I think I might be coming in...?" So I looked at him and I basically said... If she can't come in with me then I'm not going to come in. I have nothing to hide from my mom she knows why I'm here. So he let her come in with me... And then of course you plan on how and when you are going to say everything but then you end up talking about a couple different things you didn't think you would... and you start of completely different because then you think that you forgot how you wanted to start.... That's what I did... But I basically gave him my recommend he gave me a few months ago and said. I shouldn't have this. you should have never given it to me in the first place because you didn't really listen. I need you to listen this time. And he said he would.. So I just ended up starting off from when I was abused when I was little... and then just told him about everything from then until now... Because he actually listened this time, and he even took notes lol. And names and everything so he knew everything and could help me the proper way... He is actually being really great now, and now I feel more like my opinion of him as a bishop is a lot higher and I have a lot more respect for him... These are some of the really great things that came out of this whole thing...

• He is paying for some counseling for me... In full. He said that he is going to take care of it and I am not to pay anything for it.
• He gave me some assignments to do
• He is meeting with me every couple weeks to check in and see if there is anything I need or anyway that he can help me more...
• I am going to be able to get my recommend back within the next like 6 months... And this time I'll actually know that I deserve it and be able to use it. :) And I'm going to be using it like every chance I can get!!! My goal is to go at least once a week

So not only those good things but I've received other blessings from this whole thing. And I have another goal thing... Me and mom made a pack that we are going to read the whole Book of Mormon in like 80 days.. We are a little bit behind right now because of everything that's been going on and all of the make up work that I'm having to do for missing like a week or so of school and work... But it's good. :) I'm planning on not only getting caught up with my homework but also my reading this weekend. Lots of driving time on Friday that I'm going to do some reading on... Because me and mom have a wedding to go to in southern Utah... So she'll probably be doing all the driving so I'll be working on homework and reading and then same goes for Saturday and Sunday. I also would like to start getting my place ready and cleaned up so that on my next break off of school which is probably thanksgiving I can get the walls painted black so I can get all my decorating done like I'd really to... that is a big goal that I have. I have promised myself that if I can have the funding for it, then it's going to be done by the end of this year at the latest. It's going to be freaking AWESOME!!!! I'll take like the before pictures of it all like pink and shell... and like 'big girl' room as I called it when I was younger.. and now I feel to pinked and stuff out lol... And then I'll take the after pictures of the black walls and wicked awesome decorating that I'm doing on those walls. :D I'm so excited!!! Ok well I've gotta get off of here and work on my homework. I have to have it done... So I love you all I'll try to post again soon. And I know... I still need to put up lots of pictures of my snuggle bug!!! I love him SO SO SO much!!!! And of course the pics I have of him and me together will also be put up. :) So for now until next time. Keep your smiles on your faces and you'll hear from me again soon. ~Kim

Your body is a Temple, Not a visitors center. And NO ONE has a recommend to it.

A little update

Ok so.... this past week.... here's the story: Monday night around 2 well Tues morning... I woke up having pain waves in my lower back every 45 mins or so... well it gradually got worse throughout the morning... by around 10 it was straight through my back and my stomach up through like underneath my lower ribs and the waves were still coming but now the original pain from the first waves were a constant pain then the waves would be like ten times worse and just cinch up my back and then slow back down to the normal pain, except now the waves happen every couple mins instead of ever half hour or so.... so we went to the urgent care and he didn't know what was wrong, so he did the normal pee in the cup, then he sent me to the freakin hospital to do some blood tests and ct scans etc.... I could hardly walk by myself the pain hurt so bad. My mom ended up having to get a wheelchair for me... It sucked... then it took them forever to find a good vein that they could actually find... so now I've got wonderful bruises on the inside of my arms they are so pretty... So the day goes on and the pain just keeps getting worse... the constant pain and the pain waves... To make matters worse the pain keeps rising up my back so now its in all of it and straight through to like behind my chest and sternum. So we haven't heard anything about the results yet so my mom called the doctors office. They found a cyst in my lower right abdomen then kidney stone in my right side. However with it not even trying to exit there's no way it could be causing this kind of pain... So he starts getting scared that it could be PE aka a blood clot, thinking its going into like my lungs or something. so he sends me back to the hospital for another ct scan... yeah don't ever try to have 2 ct scans in one day with the contrast both times. it totally bites!!! So I'm at the hospital half the night waiting for results and such... we get the results and there is not PE and so the story of the pain continues with no clue what is causing it... So the next day I'm sick on top of the pain... I'll just tell you when I'm sick I don't eat or drink very much.... So I ended up getting dehydrated enough that my mom said I was so pale that even my lips were white, then I looked in the mirror and she wasn't lying... So the doc said that if I didn't get over the nausea and push all the fluids then he'd have me be admitted into the hospital and start IV therapy. So starting that night nausea or no nausea I forced myself to start to drink and said whether I loose this or not I don't need anymore bruises on my arms anymore. I started to finally get my color back so they said that I'd be ok with not having to go to the hospital for that. But the pain just wasn't going away. I could take away 2/3's of the pain by taking pain pills... But the problem is that we still couldn't figure out what was wrong and why I was in so much pain... It was hard because the pain would just start to come back every 4 hours as soon as the pain pills would wear off... So by Friday me and my mom were scared. We still didn't know what was going on with me and the doctors had a few ideas but they weren't very logical ideas.... So we decided to go back to the doctors to a lady to get another point of view but my original doc was still there in case she had any questions, he was just full booked up. So she did a few other tests and another cup test. This time they found a small amount of white blood cells in it so they are thinking I had some kind of infection on top of the cyst, the stone, and the pain. So she decided what could it hurt to at least take care of this infection? maybe it'll help the rest go away too, or at least dull it a little bit. So She shot me up in my upper right cheek... which is now still in major pain. my dad hit it earlier lol and I screamed out in pain... I didn't think that the stuff in the shot would still be affecting my butt cheek that bad 24 hours later... lol Anyways I'm starting to feel better when it comes to the nausea and dehydration and everything.... but the pain just won't go away... I'm really worried about what it is... what's causing it... why it's happening... all that jazz... So we told the lady that we were scared that we were just masking the pain or masking whatever it is that's going on, with the pain pills. I flat out told her that I don't want to be hiding something with pain pills for the rest of my life and I don't want to be taking them so much that I get addicted to the stupid things. So she switched my pain pill to I think it's called ult-ram so that it's not addictive. Then she put me on something that's supposed to help with acid reflux or something like it, thinking that that could hopefully help the pain that's in my chest and my back and behind my sternum, Then she put me on an antibiotic that is supposed to help out the shot that I got to get rid of the infection that they finally found. And she also put me on some muscle relaxers that will hopefully help the pain in my back and in my abdomen lighten up a little bit. Since the shot I'm feeling a little bit better. Since I stopped taking the pain killers the pain came back but a lot of the nausea and the dizziness have gone away. I've taken one of the other pills and it's helped the pain go away a little bit. As well as the muscle relaxer and the other pills that I've got... with how many different prescriptions I've gotten in the past week and only one of them (the antibiotic) was actually for something that they knew I needed for a definite, well and the pain pills that I needed for all the pain and the pain waves that I've been going through... I'm hoping that all these stupid things will start to help me by next week because I'd really like to get back to my regular life again... totally drama filled (cuz I'm the drama queen of it and I keep it that way. ;) lol ) I am out of my stupid foot boot now but I'm still not allowed to wear heels for another week and a half or 2 weeks... I'll probably stick closer to the 2 weeks because I'd rather be safe than sorry... which means no dancing in my Latin sandals or my standard pumps... So I have some gore boot type things that I'll be wearing. That is if I can get my back to start moving better and not hurt so freaking bad. At least I've been able to find a little bit of flexibility so that I can turn more to the sides and reach down further. So we'll see what happens and hope for the best. I just decided that I've said so a whole lot in this description of what has happened this week.... One good thing though is that it's sure ending in a pretty good way. It's conference weekend and I'm taking the conference challenge that a friend told me about. And my dad spent the whole week off work taking care of me so that I wasn't by myself. Then today he spent the day doing my hair. :) he's the best dad in the world!! I think we got around 50 in this time.. our all time record was when I was about 15 or so and it was like 85... it took for FOREVER!! LOL but it's the best.. :) I'll put a picture her in below so that you can see what it is. :) Well there is what happened this week and Hopefully it'll get better here soon. I'd sure like it to. It's pretty late now Liz and the baby just left a little bit ago and mom is getting ready for bed so I'm so going to head to.. maybe mom will let me take some pm pills to help me to sleep better and through the pain a little bit... maybe.. Last time I tried to take some pm pills I ended up in a whole bunch of pain for a week lol.. ;) But that was from another reason lol so I don't think I'd have to worry bout that to much. So anyways... talk to ya lata! Peace Kim

This freaking SUCKS!!!!!

Ok so this totally freakin bites!!!! Here is my little shpill about 2 different things that are really bugging me right now sorry it's sorta just a let it out blog... 1. So me ad this guy were friends he went to a different school, so I work for the admissions and registration department at UVU right? Well this guy comes to me, had me help him with registration, telling him days and times of auditions for team, talking to the coach of the team, etc etc etc... Ok so pretty much I did him all these little favors... Well then we do actually end up on the same team which is great ad all. I'm not bad mouthing my team member or anything... but this is how I feel he repays me... He has this attitude that he is better than everyone else and he listens to NO one!! He missed the first couple days of choreography and formations for Latin Medley.... So he comes in last Friday and we are all telling him that he needs to be directly behind his partner in this one spot... it's where we take the formation from being spaced like across the floor to in this little teeny tiny clump....where you don't even have room to bring your arm up half way..... well I'm a not even a full line behind him I'm almost in line with him... and me and my partner are on the outside of the clump, so if he's not in his place, we cant be in ours then we get in trouble for throwing the whole formation off... So everyone is continually telling him you need to scoot in RIGHT behind your partner and we start on the RIGHT foot not the left.... Well he doesn't listen to anyone.. he ended up basically being right where I was supposed to be in the formation.... which was where I was actually located because we thought tat if we scooted into our correct place he'd take the hint and scoot in.... Oh boy were we wrong... He ended up starting on the left foot and being kiddy korner from his partner and crushing my toes with his Cuban heel.... Luckily it was close to the ended of the dance and team all together.... So we get done dancing and I'm trying to tell him that he really needs to scoot in,,, and show him my bloodied up toes... But no he says: "leave me alone for a minute... not right now I'm trying to learn this..." So I let them show him this step and let him do it a couple times then say his name again... he follows with: " leave me alone don't talk to me go away" (or very close to that) So I finally gave up and said to hell with it... So I went to my next class and was trying to take off my Latin shoes which wasn't working out so well and put me in tears... so my coach sees gets mad at me then has someone escort me to the student health services where they clean me up and then put me in a freakin boot and tell me I now can't dance for 2 to 3 weeks.... Which in all reality.... NO ONE tells me that I can't dance anymore... this happened once upon a time... never again... So walking back I break into tears and told my mom it's probably just sprained not broken... so she decided that I could go 1 or 2 weeks instead of 2 or 3... So I'm hoping we are right so I don't get injured worse than I already am... So basically I help this kid out with all this crap and he repays me by making it so that I can't dance and then acts like a total jerk to me.... Oh and then for the first time he like acknowledges me in like a couple days since it happened.... he's like what happened?? Then he asks who did it and I was like someone... and he's like it wasn't me.... Yeah I had to freaking turn around before I decked the kid.... because I was in arms distance.... IT SUCKS!!! So now I'm sittin in Latin class watching everyone else do what I love to do Including him.... and I can't freakin do it because of him.... SUCKS!!!! Ok.... so 2. I really started falling for this guy that is a really good example to me, reminds me what I really actually want in life and in a guy, respects me, in awesome to me, spends a lot of time with me.... Even though I was planning on not falling for anyone right now and just taking care of myself for a while... but said that if something happened I'd do my best and just go with it, that way I didn't loose out on a chance of something that might end up being a good thing.... then I just found out that he is dating a girl that I used to be friends with that I very well know can be a heart breaker because she dated my best friend when we were younger... Yeah I don't like her anymore and it sucks... especially because she isn't even in the country until close to the end of the next month.... but now does that mean that all the time that I get to spend with him now is going to be gone when she comes home?? The worst thing... I found this out because I seen her picture on the background of his phone like 2 days after we did a whole dinner and movie night thing together among other things.. I seen it when we were spending time together, so the next day I checked her profile and it's a picture of them in front of the temple and her relationship said that she was in one.... So I finally just got the courage up to ask him about it and whether or not they were really dating today... so he tells me and then he asks this doesn't change our friendship though does it? I was like no never I'd never let anything come in between and ruin the friendship that we have, which is true... but it totally bites because I know that he knows I like him... and we have amazing chemistry on and off the dance floor... and awhile ago I swore that I'd never date any dancers again... and then finally one proved to be totally and completely different and not stuck up and not a slut or whatever the crap.... and he's taken.... can I just say I truly and completely believe and stand behind the Quote: ALL MEN ARE LIKE PARKING SPACES! ALL THE GOOD ONES ARE EITHER TAKEN OR HANDICAPPED!!!! LOL Any who this just goes back to the whole post of I wish I could just dance and not have to deal with anything else in life like dating or whatever the hell else there is...... Ok well I'm really tired of typing and class is going to be ending soon anyways....I just want you all to know that I love you and thank you for everything that you've all done for me and given to me... Thank you for being there for me... I'll try to write again soon and hopefully next time I'll have something more positive to write about.... Oh I know... I'll do a post all dedicated to my little snuggle bug Damian Johnathon Crawley... But to do this I want to post a bunch of pictures... so once I get those then I will post it! Ok love you all ttyl Peace ~Kim

Just Dance.

Ok so I totally just had a moment of total and complete eye opening experience.... And it kinda sucks.... You know how sometimes when you're wanting something so bad and you almost have it but to finish getting there you have to loose something else you love to have that thing.... Or like when a dancer is getting ready for a big show... and it's either have this one chance and take the opportunity to go out with this amazing guy or practice for your show.... it's one or the other and you have to chose? Or the fact that you know you had the chance for something that could have possibly been amazing... and you couldn't take it because you had other "responsibilities"? And it's something you want so bad you can see yourself in that situation.... but then someone finally wakes up and makes you smell Utah Lake stench around you and you realize that it was a dream and that's all it'll ever be? Thats the moment I just had.... So my whole life I'd always want to talk to my mom and sometimes I'd wait till she'd get in bed and start to go to sleep and that's when I'd go in and lay next to her and do dumb things to not let her sleep because I really want to talk to her about something but either I didn't realize that I did or what it was about or just couldn't find the right words to start off... I know she knows what I'm talking about... because she caught me doing this tonight... and I just layed there and I said idk if there really is anything I want right now... I just wanted to come lay in her with you for a min..... Well little did I know that my subconcious self that likes to not let me in on a little secret until it's ready to either let me figure it out on my own or just spill it out like some dumb story....yeah it had a moment to just spill the beans tonight and open my own eyes up to something that I think I've finally realized and just never wanted to admit to it..... something that I've been dreaming about but finally just admited that I'll never probably get it... Anywho so this person we'll call her Kimberly, so Kimberly goes off and starts talking about how she just wishes she could dance.. just dance like she used to and just have dance. That's all there was to her life... that and her family. That's it. 2 things that meant so much to her... the answer to all of her problems. Just turn music on and let her go. She just talked about how it used to be.... Just dancing... no extra responsibilities to worry about... no job to have to work to earn the money to dance... no job in the middle of the day to take you away from the one thing that you've always loved and that will always be there... No dumb payments that you have to earn the money for by working... No free time to try to analyze what is going on in your life and where you're supposed to go from here... No sleepless nights wondering where did my life go? thinking what if... questioning when is it finally going to happen for me? When will I truly be happy again? And learning that that day might never come.... Thinking I'll never be able to see that rainbow that I saw that day after winning that trophy in front of the only people that really matter in my life. My family... I'll never be that kind of happy again... Realizing that yeah I finally made it to somewhere that's going to let me travel a little bit. Something that I'm more stoked about that so many things I've been stoked about... But realizing that I'll get to go there and it'll be amazing and absolutely wonderful... But I don't get to continue on to other places... Yeah sure she can talk all she wants about being this amazing aunt that just dances all day and just shows the world that you just need to do what you love and soemthing that you're good at and that things will be ok... the cool aunt that will travel all the corners of the earth to bring back cool stories and toys and pictures to always think about... Cool places that you can dream about... that she brought you a piece of back... Have little ones say I want to be like Aunt Kimini because she is amazing at something and she gets to go all these cool places that she once dreamed about too... These amazing wonderlands that she always wanted to go and now she's been.... The girl that was able to just walk away from so many things so that she could actually go after her one thing that she wants more than anything right now in life... and that's to just dance... To be able to dance all day without something coming into the back of your head saying you have to stop now and go back to your real mundane life where nothing that you really truly desire to happen right now like you want it to... So its hard to try to explain it from a third person so I'm just going to full out just say what I want to say... like a real journal entry.... I just want to dance. One simple sentence, one simple statement, but one dream that seems impossible... I just want to dance. Why? because It lets me be me... Dancing doesnt judge me, dancing doesn't look down on me, dancing is the thing that makes me so happy. I want to be there I want to make it to the top someday... not in a few years not in a generation and not in my dreams. I want to be there I want to dance how I've always dreamed of it. I want to make some little girl fall in love with dancing just like I did when I was a young child. I just want to dance.. I want to travel. I want to live my life to the fullest and go to all these amazing places that I see in my dreams. I want to actually be where I can dream myself to be. I don't want to see myself in a cropped picture in front of a background that I've never been. I want to go and live and smell the air their I want to be able to see these places first hand with my own eyes... Not from someone elses camera... from my own. I want to be able to have dance consume my life like it once did. Where I didn't have to worry about what some guy thought of me. Or how to say a stupid sentence to that kid in my class.. just to what? Get stepped on and thrown out all over again? No. I want to not have the time to think of the what ifs. I don't want to have the free time to think of how happy it makes me when I see that beautiful new baby boy Damian. And how when I cry because he is such a miracle and a precious thing and how much I love him... I don't want to think everytime I see him... I want one of my own. I want to be a mom. I want my own family. I want to have a miracle of my own in my own life. No I want to be able to see him and give him so much of the same love I'd give my own child, and still be able to give him the world from my own pocket. from my self to him.. Teach him things that you'd only learn if you were to travel to those other lands that are far away. I want to have my time so consumed that I can just hold of on my own or put that dream aside so that I can concetrate on having and accomplishing the things that I have to while I'm alone. While I have the chance to not have a shadow telling me where to go and what to do... I just want to dance. I want to see myself progress and look the way I look in my dreams. I want that to be a reality. The realization behind that is in all these places and these pictures or thoughts of me being in a far off land where I can just be me, I can just go and live my life and prove to myself that I can do Something for me... it's all just a dream.... yeah I'm on the tour team and we are going to blackpool and france and maybe spain.... but that's not everywhere I want to be and go... we'll have a schedule a limit... a time frame... I don't want that... I can dream and see myself there but then someone wakes me up. And I realize that that's the only way I'll ever see those places that's the only way I'll ever see myself like that.... I have other things in my life that I have to worry about... than to just be able to dance. One simple verb. To Dance. I don't know if anyone really understand what those 2 words mean to me... how bad right now I just want to Dance and do nothing else... To be able to accomplish something that I want something for me.. To go all those places for me and to be happy. That is the overall thing we all want and are striving for right? The pursuit of Happiness... I'm on that pursuit right now... just not giving it my all because I'm to scared. That Idk what I'd do without all the what if's going through my head... What could I accomplish if I could stop only seeing myself there... in a dream and finally see myself there for real? What then? I just want to dance and be able to forget everthing else and just go with it all.... just follow the flow of life.... to life out the one dream that most are so scared to live out... and just go for it... just stop being scared. just drop the things out of your life that aren't going to get you there and just go for it... just live your life the way you want to... in the minute and just free.... One day maybe I'll acheive that... maybe I won't but for now... I just want to dance... And I realized that it could be a real possibility that I might never be able to once again... Just Dance... I might never see myself in those places... I might actually regret things.... If I ask myself, If you die tomorrow will you be happy with how you ended, will you be happy with your life or how the whole picture was? and the fact that my answer would be no.... That's when I ask.... what is there to really live for unless you're going to just go for it? What is the point of being here if you're not truly happy? Why am I still here putting myself through the pain of reality that I am not ok if I never make it where I want to make it... I can't just say it's ok.. No problem... Not anymore... Not when my answer is no. I just want to escape from everything else and just dance... and never stop... never think what if I break my ankle tomorrow? I'd say that is impossible. You cant you must just dance. and never ever stop. Dance and you'll get there. Dance and you'll be happy. Find that one thing you're passionate about and just go for it. That's what dance is for me... So why can I not just dance. Why can't people see that that is all I want. I just want to dance. And forget of everything that I don't want to think of... just dance and not remember... just dance and not have the what ifs.... Who cares about that 'amazing boy' when you can dance and have the ultimate goal acheived. That's what I want. From now on when anyone asks what do you want. I will remember that sentence that simple phrase. I just want to Dance. I want to not be afraid anymore. My parents recently bought me a quote that is framed and just amazing and it's sitting in front of me and everytime I look at it I want to cry because I know for a fact I'm not spreading my wings like I need to... I'm not learning or moving where I want to go. I'm to afraid. It says: Until you spread your wings, You will have no idea how far you can fly! I will spread my wings and stop being afraid... because I know that if I do and once I start flying I'll never stop I'll go where I want to go. I'll see what I want to see and I'll dance when I want to dance. And nothing will ever stop me again. But until then... Reality of the real world must take place... :( and what you don't know is how unhappy I really am. Only I am finally catching a glimps of it.... and I still don't even understand it.... One day when I can Just Dance... Everything will fall into place... and that is something I just know and I can feel with my whole being. And that is where I will leave this entry. I'm tired of crying, I'll drowned out my new laptop if it gets any wetter... and that is me being honest.... oh well.... Peace out Hommies... Kim

One Word Answers

Ok so I figured what the heck what could it hurt to do a short one word thing found on a friends blog.... Here goes nothing...

One Word Answers

Might as well do it too.... 1. Where is your cellphone? floor 2. Where is your significant other? unknown 3. Your hair? straight 4. Your mother? tired 5. Your father? sleeping 6. Your favorite thing? Damian 7. Your dream last night? Performance 8. Your favorite drink? Lemonade 9. Your dream/goal? Love 10. The room you're in? Front 11. Your hobby? Dance 12. Your fear? Everything 13. Where do you want to be in 6 years? Wonderland 14. Where were you last night? Sick 15. What you're not? Awakened 16. Muffins? Blueberry 17. Where you grew up? HappyValley (sshhhh pretend its only 1, lol) 18. The last thing you did? Accounts 19. What are you wearing? PJ's 20. Your TV? Off 21. Your pets? Outside 22. Your computer? AMAZING!!!! 23. Your life? Mundane 24. Your mood? Confused 25. Missing someone? SnuggleBug!!!! 26. Your car? SHINY!!!! 27. Something you're not wearing? underwear...JK um.... jewelery 28. Last summer? Lost 29. Like someone? ONE? lol 30. Your favorite color? Black!! 31. When was the last time you laughed? Hour 32. Last time you cried? Yesterday 33. Who will do this? Question?

Some random Surveys that I filled out...

Survey # 1 1. First thing you wash in the shower? *my hair 2. What color is your favorite hoodie? *green 3. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? *yes 4. Do you plan outfits? *sometimes... 5. How are you feeling RIGHT now? *not entirely sure... sorta confuzzled at the current moment though... 6. Whats the closest thing to you thats red? *my toe nails :D 7. Do you say aim or a-i-m? *aim but i dont use it 8. Tell me about the last dream you remember having *It was about my ADORABLE nephew that I didn't get to see yesterday. 9. Did you meet anybody new today? *yes 10. What are you craving right now? *Holding Damian!!! 11. Do you floss? *sometimes lol not my strongest thing... 12. What comes to mind when I say cabbage? *rabbits 13. When was the last time you talked on aim? *i dont use aim 14. Are you emotional? *can be 15. Would you dance to the taco song? *whats that? 16. Have you ever counted to 1,000? *yep thanks to my brothers 17. Do you bite into your ice cream or just lick it? *lick it 18. Do you like your hair? *yeah usually 19. Do you like yourself? *i guess... 20. Have you ever met a celebrity? *yep 21. Do you like cottage cheese? *usually depends on my mood 22. What are you listening to right now? *the other people in the call center 23. How many countries have you visited? *one... but I'm traveling Europe next year!!!! AAAAAHHHHH 24. Are your parents strict? *no, they know im an adult and make my own decisions 25. Would you go sky diving? *maybe idk yet 26. Would you go out to eat with George W. Bush? *sure I guess 27. Would you throw potatoes at him? *no 28. Is there anything sparkly in the room you’re in? *my skirt!!! 29. Have you ever been in a castle? *not a real one 30. Do you rent movies often? *nope, not anymore... my parents sometimes do 31. Who sits behind you in your math class? *I'm not in math right now 32. Have you made a prank phone call? *Once when i was young 33. Do you own a gun? *um... no comment... 34. Can you count backwards from 74? *yeah if i wanted to 35. Who are you going to be with tonight? *Dancers.. 36. Brown or white eggs? *white? i dunno arent they the same? 37. Do you own something from Hot Topic? *yes a few things actually 38. Ever been on a train? *not a real real train 39. Ever been in love? *yes 40. Do you have a cell-phone? *yes 41. Are you too forgiving? *yes I used to be incredibly forgiving but not anymore though... I sorta trained myself to not be forgiving... now I need to find the happy medium... 42. Do you use chap stick? *yes 43. What is your best friend doing tomorrow? *i dunno working... 44. Can you use chop sticks? *yes 45. Ever have cream puffs? *of course 46. Have you ever seen The Butterfly Effect? *yep watched it at Jake's one night 47. What was the last question you asked? *idk.... are you going to see damian 48. What was the last CD you bought? *idk it was like a billion years ago. 49. Boys or girls? *whats that supposed to mean? do i like boys?, no I like Men. 50. What is your bus number for school? *I don't ride the bus I drive my new car that I just bought 51. Is your hair curly? *no it's wavy. 52. Last time you cried? *Sunday 53. Ever walked into a wall? *yep :P 54. Do looks matter? *honestly? I think they do to some point for everyone... 55. Have you ever bought anything from Pac Sun? *no....? 56. Have you ever slapped someone? *oh yes... 57. Favorite time of the year? *Summer 58. Favorite color? *Black, Blue, Pink 59. Are you sarcastic? *nope never... 60. Do you have any tattoos? *nope 61. The last person you held hands with? *Tyler...I think he was the last person... 62. Do you sleep with the TV on? *sometimes 63. Where was your default picture taken at? *Laguna Beach in Cali 64. Do you hate or dislike more than 3 people? *no 65. Do you like your life right now? *i dunno, sure 66. How often do you talk on the phone? *often 67. What is your favorite animal? *bunny wabbit... or a dog... 68. What was the most recent thing you bought? *lunch for me and my mom 69. Do you have good vision? *yep! 70. Can you hula hoop? *used to be able to... i'm retarded now so no.. 71. Could you ever forgive a cheater? *I did once before. I won't make that same mistake twice. 72. Do you have a job? *yep 2! 73. Can you handle the truth? *id rather be told the truth than a lie and yes I can handle the truth even if it hurts.... 74. What are you wearing? *clothes, a peasant blouse and a skirt. :) 75. Have you ever crawled through a window? *yes lol a couple... Survey #2 You must be honest to take this survey! Honestly, are you in love right now? *no, but i do love people just not in that way Honestly, what color is your underwear? *hot pink Honestly, what's on your mind right now? *um... for some odd reason one of my friends is on my mind but also my brand new nephew. Honestly, what are you doing right now? *waiting for a student to call me so that I can log back out and help joyce clean the qui out... Honestly, what did you do today? *Went to classes, danced, went to breakfast with a friend, worked, ran to the bank, got food for me and my mom... now I'm workin again Honestly, do you think you are attractive? *sometimes Honestly, have you done something bad today? *depends on your definition of what qualifies of being bad.. Honestly, do you watch Disney channel? *sometimes if I'm like home sick laying on the couch and flipping channels... Honestly, are you jealous of someone right now? *kinda Honestly, what makes you happy most of the time? *dancing and being with those I love Honestly, do you bite your nails? *nope Honestly, what is your mood right now? *happy and a little confuzzled Honestly, who do you want to see at this very moment? *DAMIAN!!!! Honestly, do you have a deep dark secret? *oh yes I have a few actually Honestly, do you hate someone right now? *not hate just don't like... Honestly, who/what do you want to hug right now? *once again DAMIAN!!! Honestly, do your wrists hurt? *nope Honestly, are you in denial? *not anymore Honestly, wouldn't you rather be having sex right now? *well duh! who wouldnt? hello that's a no brainer... especially because I'm at work.... id anyone who would chose work over sex Honestly, is it easier to talk on Myspace than in person? *id rather talk in person Honestly, does anyone like you? *i think so, but im very confused in that department Honestly, is it going anywhere with them? *I don't really know... but for some odd reason I sorta hope that it does.. Honestly, did you answer all these questions honestly? *yes i did Survey #3 does your profile song have any special meaning? A couple of them what song is stuck in your head? I'll walk, by: Bucky Covington midnight, who were you texting? No one I was sleeping! what are you most worried about? Everything how different are you from three years ago? Oh very very different. let a good friend/ex/bestfriend go this year? yep... when is the next time you will see the person you like? um... I'm not saying exactly when... but in a few hours or so.... when was the last time you cried really badly? Um a few weeks ago... in August do you like your life at the moment? I wouldn't trade it for anyone else's but there is somethings that I wish I could change... are you currently frustrated with someone? not really, unless myself counts... do you have a friend that starts with the letter X? nope you want to get married? yes I do. is anything alive in your room? do spiders count? I'm almost positive that there are spiders in there.... found another web. do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell everything to? yeah were any of your past relationships worth it? yes they were been in a hospital this year? yes... but not for me I was there for Damian according to your ex, are you pretty? Yep what's the last piercing you got? The top of my right ear... but I decided to take it out.... do you know if anyone likes you? um... no actually.. I wish that I knew about someone... but I guess I'm not supposed to know... talk to your exes? some of them, a few I still consider friends and want in my life... have you ever kissed someone whose name starts with a c? yes do you have trust issues? yeah, I think everyone does. do you currently have a hickey? nope is your dad a jerk? NO WAY ever been to Alaska? No someday maybe honestly, what are you sick of? Being so confused. have you ever regretted letting someone go? I used to, but not anymore who is the last person to sleep in your bed? me. how long does it take for you to get ready? Depends on the day. in the past week have you gotten your hair cut? nope whose bed did you sleep in last? mine has someone disappointed you recently? Yeah do you believe exes can really ever be "just friends"? yeah how long is your hair? idk pretty long I guess... past my shoulders do you still turn to your parents for advice? yep all the time ever have surgery? yep a few are your eyes the same color as your mom's or dad's? both if i'm correct. been caught doing something you weren't supposed to do? Who hasn't? are you still friends with people from kindergarten? um... not really... do you want to see someone this very minute? um.. it doesn't actually matter... I'm fine... it's not like I'm not going to see them later anyways... has someone of the opposite sex ever told you they loved you and meant it? yeah.... but it doesn't change anything now... what do you think of your number 2 on your top friends? He's amazing!! last thing to piss you off? um.... myself... do you like the person you are becoming? for the most part sure.. name something you have to do tomorrow? Watch a movie. :)

Quick update for ya'll!!

Everything is going really well. I'm really enjoying being on tour team. So stoked to go to world champs next year and compete!! Then tour Europe!! I wish I could tour even more than I'll get to.. oh well maybe one day.... There is also a possibility of us going to china but we'll see...... School is semi going ok... I'm already a little bit behind in a couple classes but that is because I spent all of last weekend at the hospital instead of doing my homework... My nephew was born On Friday September 5, 2008. 6 lbs 3 Oz's. 17 1/2 inches tall... He is so freaking cute and adorable!!! He had some complications but is doing Wonderful now... he weighs about 5 1/2 lbs now... There is absolutely Nothing to him but skin and A WHOLE TON of extra skin lol. It is so cute though!!! I'll make a photo album with photobucket.com as soon as I can... I'm not sure when I'll be able to yet... Plus I want A BILLION pictures on there of him so yeah... you'll see him soon enough. His name is Damian Johnathon Crawley... He looks just like his daddy with some traits from his mommy that do stick out as well. He is the most precious thing I know. I love him so much and I'm totally going to spoil him.... Not to mention I'm totally going to be the freakin awesome aunt that travels the world and brings back all these cool foreign toys and all sorts of weird things for him to have. He's absolutely amazing in every way. So I've decided that this is the year that I spoil myself and Especially spoil Damian!!! I got a new laptop, a new ipod touch, a new car, a new this and a new that, oh and I'm remodeling my room like I've always wanted too... like totally painting and revamping the arrangement and EVERYTHING!!! it's going to pretty much be the bomb!! That's what I'll be doing for Christmas this year lol.. :) I'm so EXCITED!!! It's pretty much going to just look hot!! Anyways... my ipod is done restoring so I need to head back down to my office in the basement that has absolutely no wireless connection until I buy my own airport, so that I can have it.. So yeah got to go get back to my work and my assignments.... but know that I love you all!!! And I hope you are all doing wonderful!! Give me updates on yourself too!! or send me the emails when you post something new on your blog ok? Ok well Loves!!! Peace, Kim

Um a little more Explaination....

Ok so... for those of you who have access to my facebook and myspace accounts... idk if you noticed my status's about being scared or not... but I just want you all to know that I'm ok... it's just I'm scared about a small little thing.... I have someone that is really scaring me and I have tried and tried to talk to him and tell him how I feel and he just doesn't get it... yes I'm scared of him... however I'm more scared that I've finally given him the warning that if he doesn't get it this time and doesn't understand the fact that he's crossed the line way to many times for comfort... that I will press charges... No this is not one of my exes either just to clarify. I'm mainly scared that if he doesn't listen this time and he doesn't respect my wishes of leaving me alone that I do have to file the charges against him so that when I warned him and told him that I don' t take this lightly and I'm dead serious... I don't go back on my word and I actually follow through.... But we must do what needs to be done... and in thought of my own safety for once I know what needs to be done if this gets pushed one more time. Anyways I hope that this will clear things up at least a little bit for some of you.... if you have any questions please feel free to comment. and I'll do my best to email you in response. Love you all. I must go for now.. Peace out... Kim

MY NEW BABY!!!!!!

Photobucket Album

AGES!!!

OK SO I'M SORRY IT'S BEEN SO LONG SINCE I'VE BEEN ON HERE!!!!! SO MUCH HAS BEEN GOING ON THAT I JUST HAVE FELT SO OVERSTRESSED I HAVEN'T DONE ANYTHING WITH IT..... Here's the latest... I'm single, I'm still living in my parents basement (and I'm ok with it and love it!!), I'm on the tour team, going to school full-time, working on campus still, and now I'm a Beauty Consultant with MK. So much has happened that I just don't even know what to say.... however one thing that I will say is that..... I GOT A NEW CAR!!!!!!! ALL BY MYSELF TOO... it's completely and entirely mine!!!! :D Here are some pics! Ok I'm heading out so I love you all and I'll try to post again sooner rather than later!!!!! Peace Out!! ~Kim

HOLY CRUD!!!

Ok so I apologize!!! I know that it's been way super uber long since I last posted on here and let you all know how my life was going and what was going on.... Here is a quick update.... I deleted a certain someone from my friends list on my sites that I have, ya know facebook, myspace.... here there everywhere he no longer has any access to my life or what is going on at that time.... That has relieved a lot of stress and heart ache out of my life... However life has still been WAY WAY stressful and very interesting... I'm now single again... things didn't exactly work out with the guy I had talked about, however we are still really good friends and you never know what will happen in the future.... It's not like we had it out or anything just other things came up that need to be taken care of before we really actually tried a relationship etc...which I'm fine with...:) Um I'm not sure if I posted the fact that I'm on the tour team now or at least for the summer... :) YAY!!! I have three trips planned for August... I'm now working 3 jobs and going to school full time... :) Hooray for me lol... Pretty ok ones though... One of them is that I'm now a Mary Kay consultant... so if you ever need anything let me know and I can order it in for you so that you don't have to try to find a consultant or what have you...:) I'm mainly doing it to earn extra money so that I can start saving for tour in the spring. :) So I'm not trying to earn a car or get my own team, I won't pressure you into signing up and joining with me... that's your choice. I just know that they have some pretty amazing stuff that I love and highly recommend. The main thing that I use is their cleanser because it's the only one I've found that hasn't made me break out or make my skin freak out on me. I love it. However now that we have moved from regular makeup to ALL mineral based makeup and I LOVE IT!!! I actually wear base now because it seriously feels like I don't have any on at all. And I love the eye shadows as well because the color doesn't fade off of me and it doesn't crease up either. It stays nice and smooth on my skin now. :) Any who... I was on tv yesterday morning on the FOX13 news with big Buddha performing in the background it was pretty fun... other than the fact that I was sick all day so I sorta felt like crap.... Oh and OMG the day before Monday night...... yeah ok so... I went to a concert with Josh Gracin, Collin Raye, and Joe Nichols..... and I was right up next to the stage!!!! AAAHHHH I have a picture of Joe Nichols oh and a video of him while he was singing and standing right next to my hand leaning over the top of me... IT WAS FREAKIN AWESOME!!! Anyways yeah I know I'm a dork.... Well I'm not as busy this week or I shouldn't be from here on out for awhile so I should do a lot better at posting and saying what's going on....But for right now.... I need to finish eating my lunch and get back to work without distractions.... :) But mucho MUCHO love to you all!!!! :) Peace out

ttyl~ Kim

Sorry

Ok so it's been awhile since I've posted... Sorry bout that... it's been pretty hectic the last couple days.... Let me give you a quick, this is what happened.... Me and Seth have had 2 private lessons with Tara trying to get ready for auditions... and they've worked out really good... I'm hoping he'll change his mind... even if I pay for all of the privates I don't even care right now... Saturday I laid out for awhile and while I was layin out I had a friend stop by, One of those long time no see friends... So Saturday night I ended up hanging out with him... It was pretty cool I got to go see Kung Fu Panda..IT WAS AWESOME!! And attractive... lol Sunday I went to Sacrament then drove down to Provo for Seth's homecoming.... It was really good. Then spent the rest of the day with my family. So those are the main highlights from the past few days... I've basically just been totally wiped out and tired... Another reason why I haven't posted... Anywho I'm gonna go so I can finish eating and get ready for school... Love you all... Peace! ttyl~Kim

Mm'Kay then

So I guess I didn't really realize how too freaking true my horoscope really is today... I just got some bad news... I can totally understand and I'm not mad at him... I'm more mad at myself for being so freaking excited about finally having a chance to maybe prove myself to someone, and I think that chance is just totally shot. So I really don't know what's next anymore and I wish I could honestly say I don't really care but the bad thing is that I really do care. It sucks like hell! But I should be used to stuff like this... I'll just try to keep my head up and wait for my chance in life right? Wrong pretty much I'm sick of waiting and I don't really feel like holding my head up any more so I'm pretty sure I'm going to let it drop again and just try to move on with life again.... So pretty much I don't exactly want to be where I am right now, and I'm really hoping that I get a text from someone soon to save me from letting myself sulk over something I shouldn't give a dang about.... Why do we let things mean so much to us in life? Why are we able to find something that we love, that we feel we can accomplish some kind of something in and sometimes maybe even seem like we are good at it... and let that Have such an effect on our lives that it just keeps stinging like crap every time you get shot down? Sometimes I really wish that I was dumb enough to myself that I'd take the easy road out of things... Then I think back on my past and I remember how when it wasn't my choice to take that path, how bad my life really sucked. Then I know that I can't take the easy way out, I can't just give up... I'm daddy's feisty little redhead I don't give up and I don't give in right? well most of the time that's how it's been. Sometimes I so wish that I grew up being mommy's little mouse so that when I chose to be that role now it wouldn't seem like I'm just running from something or be a chicken and pull away. Right now I just wish that I could just go curl up in my little 'cubby' at grandma's house and just be by myself and play with my little lite in the socket.... Yeah if only... I can't even fit my legs all the way in my 'cubby' anymore let alone my whole body... So this is where daddy's little redhead comes out and say well see then there is no sense feeling bad anymore when there is nothing you can do about it any further. So here is where I'm going to leave this dumb entry and forget about it.... So Peace. TTYL ~Kim

Smiles!!

So this is going to be fairly short cuz I'm sick of typing today and I've gotta type up a paper in a little while.... I just have to say that I got to see someone last night and it was AMAZING!!! It was just a lot of fun to hang out and chill and not feel pressured to be something or someone I'm not. We went shopping, Hung out, Set stuff up, Organized, and just laughed. It was great... I can't wait to hang out with him again.

So this morning Laura got back to team and it was fun having her back. Me and Seth got to dance like 3/4 of the time with them because they were working on the cha-cha that we helped Laura clean. It was way fun and I'm looking forward to getting our own routines for competition. :) Other than that not to much else has happened today. I'm just out of it... I'm at work so I can't work on my homework because the phone calls just make me loose my train of thought... which isn't usually nice when I'm writing about something lol... So that makes it a lost cause, not to mention IR's dumb surveyors are here and being retarded... So that doesn't help me work on my homework either. So any who... My Horoscope for the day sorta hit me right on the head because it told me like almost exactly what I was thinking at the moment I looked at it... Well not what I was thinking but an answer to what I was thinking about..... lol

Aquarius: You have no idea how to resolve an issue, so just be honest and say you're not sure what to do next. .

Anyways I'm gonna head I love you all!!!!! Peace out!!!

ttyl~Kim