Ok so wow I made a big change in my life.

Ok so I was in a lot of pain awhile ago and doing all of those testing to figure out what is wrong... Well sad thing is is that we still don't know what is going on with me... I'm still in a lot of pain and it hurts to pretty much do anything to active... Before I go on for a minute I need to ask any of you to please not freak out at me for a decision that I made... I've already dealt with a few people doing this... It doesn't make it any easier for me when people aren't very supportive... However I just want you all to know that I am officially no longer a dancer... I'm still waiting for some paperwork to go through but I am being medically withdrawn from the dance program here at the University... I am off team now... out of all my dance classes... and working on getting better now. It's not easy for me to think of it as the fact that I'm no longer dancing... that's all I've ever done... That's all I've ever known... Most of you know that if someone else tells me I can't do something... especially when it comes to someone telling me I can't dance... However when it's myself and the Big Man upstairs telling me... it's a little easier to follow it... This is something that I've really been praying about and trying to find comfort and guidance in my decisions... But I know now that it really was the right decision that I made. I told my coach last wed.. and of course I was like bawling... but I did ask him to at least let me to finish out team that week because we had a performance Friday Night... I asked him if he'd let me do one last performance before I had to quit. My coach agreed to this.... So I kept feeling like this sucks... but I have been really surprised and proud of myself for how Positive I've been.... Because I know that this is what I need in my life. Dancing is not my future anymore... my future is my kids and my family. You can't deny that, or at least I can't. The Big Man basically told me that if I didn't quit I'd get injured bad enough that I wouldn't be able to have those things... I had reoccurring feelings, thoughts, and nightmares... and I had to make a choice... either them or World Championships... My kids will always take precedence and they are my first priority... So it's either I chose them right now or I chose to be selfish and keep dancing... No thanks... they need to get here... Another positive thing that I have to think of to keep my head up is the fact that my goal was to make the Tour Team and to know that in the coach's eyes I'd be good enough to dance in world championships and make the Latin Medley Team.. Which I did. I made them and I had him tell me that I was doing very good. That is a big thing for me... I know that I made it and that I got to experience it for awhile... I don't need to step onto that floor in England to know that I made it. When I think of it that way it makes it easier... You make your choice when you are in my shoes but I think it'd be far better of a blessing to say: "I'm a mom, look at my beautiful child that I get to spend the rest of eternity with" rather than saying... "Look I have something worldly from Europe and only a memory of stepping onto some hardwood floor covered in sweat.." So please understand my decision of quitting. And please support me when I chose to be with my kids and my family rather than passing something like that up. So the doctors have written me letters to put in with the paperwork and they are proud of my decision and they are fully backing me up when it comes to taking care of my body rather than dancing. Other than that going on everything else is going great in my life. I've got like 3 dates this week... of course they are just like friends type of dates... I'm not thinking of anything serious with any of them... but you just never know... we'll see... I'm sorta waiting to see what is going on with another guy at the moment... Sometimes you just never know you just have to follow the feelings and just take one day at a time... Keep praying and wait until whatever is supposed to happen, to happen... I'm not going to be rushing anything right now. I'm still young and I almost did that once. So I want to know that it is the right thing to do when the time comes. But yeah.... fun fun... my time starts to free up and then it's taken back up by all of my friends etc. which is actually nice because now I actually have time to spend with them now... As well as my family. Today actually was the best. I got to spend the morning with my brother and his baby. I took them out to buy him his blessing outfit and a cute church outfit as a gift from me. They are so adorable!!! We are going to be surprising his wife with them after she gets off work. Then we went to lunch and then now I'm at work... And now by thing I'm waiting for is an email.... :) it's someones P-Day today and I'm sorta looking forward to getting a couple questions answered... I spent a bunch of time up at his families house over the weekend so I decided to ask for his advice on a couple things... and and asking for forgiveness for me and his mom lol... I sorta let her get onto my account online and send him some stuff... So I hope he's not mad now... lol But anywho I think I'm going to head out because I've got to go on break soon so I can go and pick up some paperwork and turn them in for my whole medical withdraw thing.... So I love ya and peace out. Love, Kim