Ok so wow I made a big change in my life.

Ok so I was in a lot of pain awhile ago and doing all of those testing to figure out what is wrong... Well sad thing is is that we still don't know what is going on with me... I'm still in a lot of pain and it hurts to pretty much do anything to active... Before I go on for a minute I need to ask any of you to please not freak out at me for a decision that I made... I've already dealt with a few people doing this... It doesn't make it any easier for me when people aren't very supportive... However I just want you all to know that I am officially no longer a dancer... I'm still waiting for some paperwork to go through but I am being medically withdrawn from the dance program here at the University... I am off team now... out of all my dance classes... and working on getting better now. It's not easy for me to think of it as the fact that I'm no longer dancing... that's all I've ever done... That's all I've ever known... Most of you know that if someone else tells me I can't do something... especially when it comes to someone telling me I can't dance... However when it's myself and the Big Man upstairs telling me... it's a little easier to follow it... This is something that I've really been praying about and trying to find comfort and guidance in my decisions... But I know now that it really was the right decision that I made. I told my coach last wed.. and of course I was like bawling... but I did ask him to at least let me to finish out team that week because we had a performance Friday Night... I asked him if he'd let me do one last performance before I had to quit. My coach agreed to this.... So I kept feeling like this sucks... but I have been really surprised and proud of myself for how Positive I've been.... Because I know that this is what I need in my life. Dancing is not my future anymore... my future is my kids and my family. You can't deny that, or at least I can't. The Big Man basically told me that if I didn't quit I'd get injured bad enough that I wouldn't be able to have those things... I had reoccurring feelings, thoughts, and nightmares... and I had to make a choice... either them or World Championships... My kids will always take precedence and they are my first priority... So it's either I chose them right now or I chose to be selfish and keep dancing... No thanks... they need to get here... Another positive thing that I have to think of to keep my head up is the fact that my goal was to make the Tour Team and to know that in the coach's eyes I'd be good enough to dance in world championships and make the Latin Medley Team.. Which I did. I made them and I had him tell me that I was doing very good. That is a big thing for me... I know that I made it and that I got to experience it for awhile... I don't need to step onto that floor in England to know that I made it. When I think of it that way it makes it easier... You make your choice when you are in my shoes but I think it'd be far better of a blessing to say: "I'm a mom, look at my beautiful child that I get to spend the rest of eternity with" rather than saying... "Look I have something worldly from Europe and only a memory of stepping onto some hardwood floor covered in sweat.." So please understand my decision of quitting. And please support me when I chose to be with my kids and my family rather than passing something like that up. So the doctors have written me letters to put in with the paperwork and they are proud of my decision and they are fully backing me up when it comes to taking care of my body rather than dancing. Other than that going on everything else is going great in my life. I've got like 3 dates this week... of course they are just like friends type of dates... I'm not thinking of anything serious with any of them... but you just never know... we'll see... I'm sorta waiting to see what is going on with another guy at the moment... Sometimes you just never know you just have to follow the feelings and just take one day at a time... Keep praying and wait until whatever is supposed to happen, to happen... I'm not going to be rushing anything right now. I'm still young and I almost did that once. So I want to know that it is the right thing to do when the time comes. But yeah.... fun fun... my time starts to free up and then it's taken back up by all of my friends etc. which is actually nice because now I actually have time to spend with them now... As well as my family. Today actually was the best. I got to spend the morning with my brother and his baby. I took them out to buy him his blessing outfit and a cute church outfit as a gift from me. They are so adorable!!! We are going to be surprising his wife with them after she gets off work. Then we went to lunch and then now I'm at work... And now by thing I'm waiting for is an email.... :) it's someones P-Day today and I'm sorta looking forward to getting a couple questions answered... I spent a bunch of time up at his families house over the weekend so I decided to ask for his advice on a couple things... and and asking for forgiveness for me and his mom lol... I sorta let her get onto my account online and send him some stuff... So I hope he's not mad now... lol But anywho I think I'm going to head out because I've got to go on break soon so I can go and pick up some paperwork and turn them in for my whole medical withdraw thing.... So I love ya and peace out. Love, Kim

Ok so here is the Good story about my meeting.

Ok so the last thing that you heard about the whole bishop thing was how I really didn't like how he didn't listen to me.... WELL I made sure he listened this time. Before I went I know that I talk to my mom about everything... but there were a few things that I've never told her yet.. So I had a few different talks with my mom to make sure I had told her everything... Not only is it nice to have her as a best friend to be able to talk to about anything but also that she is my mom as well she can actually help me through things and give me good advice.... So I went to see the bishop on a day when I was very sick and was actually in the hospital 2 different times.... And it was really hard because he wasn't there and he ended up being like almost 10-15 mins late. So I was getting in m car getting ready to leave and then he finally pulled up.... So we go inside and all of the chairs that are usually in the hall as 'waiting chairs' were actually in his office... So he is struggling trying to get one for my mom to sit on... And I just sorta asked him what he was doing and then he looked at my mom and said did you want a chair or were you going to go sit on the couch... or what... So then my mom looked at me and asked "um... I think I might be coming in...?" So I looked at him and I basically said... If she can't come in with me then I'm not going to come in. I have nothing to hide from my mom she knows why I'm here. So he let her come in with me... And then of course you plan on how and when you are going to say everything but then you end up talking about a couple different things you didn't think you would... and you start of completely different because then you think that you forgot how you wanted to start.... That's what I did... But I basically gave him my recommend he gave me a few months ago and said. I shouldn't have this. you should have never given it to me in the first place because you didn't really listen. I need you to listen this time. And he said he would.. So I just ended up starting off from when I was abused when I was little... and then just told him about everything from then until now... Because he actually listened this time, and he even took notes lol. And names and everything so he knew everything and could help me the proper way... He is actually being really great now, and now I feel more like my opinion of him as a bishop is a lot higher and I have a lot more respect for him... These are some of the really great things that came out of this whole thing...

• He is paying for some counseling for me... In full. He said that he is going to take care of it and I am not to pay anything for it.
• He gave me some assignments to do
• He is meeting with me every couple weeks to check in and see if there is anything I need or anyway that he can help me more...
• I am going to be able to get my recommend back within the next like 6 months... And this time I'll actually know that I deserve it and be able to use it. :) And I'm going to be using it like every chance I can get!!! My goal is to go at least once a week

So not only those good things but I've received other blessings from this whole thing. And I have another goal thing... Me and mom made a pack that we are going to read the whole Book of Mormon in like 80 days.. We are a little bit behind right now because of everything that's been going on and all of the make up work that I'm having to do for missing like a week or so of school and work... But it's good. :) I'm planning on not only getting caught up with my homework but also my reading this weekend. Lots of driving time on Friday that I'm going to do some reading on... Because me and mom have a wedding to go to in southern Utah... So she'll probably be doing all the driving so I'll be working on homework and reading and then same goes for Saturday and Sunday. I also would like to start getting my place ready and cleaned up so that on my next break off of school which is probably thanksgiving I can get the walls painted black so I can get all my decorating done like I'd really to... that is a big goal that I have. I have promised myself that if I can have the funding for it, then it's going to be done by the end of this year at the latest. It's going to be freaking AWESOME!!!! I'll take like the before pictures of it all like pink and shell... and like 'big girl' room as I called it when I was younger.. and now I feel to pinked and stuff out lol... And then I'll take the after pictures of the black walls and wicked awesome decorating that I'm doing on those walls. :D I'm so excited!!! Ok well I've gotta get off of here and work on my homework. I have to have it done... So I love you all I'll try to post again soon. And I know... I still need to put up lots of pictures of my snuggle bug!!! I love him SO SO SO much!!!! And of course the pics I have of him and me together will also be put up. :) So for now until next time. Keep your smiles on your faces and you'll hear from me again soon. ~Kim

Your body is a Temple, Not a visitors center. And NO ONE has a recommend to it.

A little update

Ok so.... this past week.... here's the story: Monday night around 2 well Tues morning... I woke up having pain waves in my lower back every 45 mins or so... well it gradually got worse throughout the morning... by around 10 it was straight through my back and my stomach up through like underneath my lower ribs and the waves were still coming but now the original pain from the first waves were a constant pain then the waves would be like ten times worse and just cinch up my back and then slow back down to the normal pain, except now the waves happen every couple mins instead of ever half hour or so.... so we went to the urgent care and he didn't know what was wrong, so he did the normal pee in the cup, then he sent me to the freakin hospital to do some blood tests and ct scans etc.... I could hardly walk by myself the pain hurt so bad. My mom ended up having to get a wheelchair for me... It sucked... then it took them forever to find a good vein that they could actually find... so now I've got wonderful bruises on the inside of my arms they are so pretty... So the day goes on and the pain just keeps getting worse... the constant pain and the pain waves... To make matters worse the pain keeps rising up my back so now its in all of it and straight through to like behind my chest and sternum. So we haven't heard anything about the results yet so my mom called the doctors office. They found a cyst in my lower right abdomen then kidney stone in my right side. However with it not even trying to exit there's no way it could be causing this kind of pain... So he starts getting scared that it could be PE aka a blood clot, thinking its going into like my lungs or something. so he sends me back to the hospital for another ct scan... yeah don't ever try to have 2 ct scans in one day with the contrast both times. it totally bites!!! So I'm at the hospital half the night waiting for results and such... we get the results and there is not PE and so the story of the pain continues with no clue what is causing it... So the next day I'm sick on top of the pain... I'll just tell you when I'm sick I don't eat or drink very much.... So I ended up getting dehydrated enough that my mom said I was so pale that even my lips were white, then I looked in the mirror and she wasn't lying... So the doc said that if I didn't get over the nausea and push all the fluids then he'd have me be admitted into the hospital and start IV therapy. So starting that night nausea or no nausea I forced myself to start to drink and said whether I loose this or not I don't need anymore bruises on my arms anymore. I started to finally get my color back so they said that I'd be ok with not having to go to the hospital for that. But the pain just wasn't going away. I could take away 2/3's of the pain by taking pain pills... But the problem is that we still couldn't figure out what was wrong and why I was in so much pain... It was hard because the pain would just start to come back every 4 hours as soon as the pain pills would wear off... So by Friday me and my mom were scared. We still didn't know what was going on with me and the doctors had a few ideas but they weren't very logical ideas.... So we decided to go back to the doctors to a lady to get another point of view but my original doc was still there in case she had any questions, he was just full booked up. So she did a few other tests and another cup test. This time they found a small amount of white blood cells in it so they are thinking I had some kind of infection on top of the cyst, the stone, and the pain. So she decided what could it hurt to at least take care of this infection? maybe it'll help the rest go away too, or at least dull it a little bit. So She shot me up in my upper right cheek... which is now still in major pain. my dad hit it earlier lol and I screamed out in pain... I didn't think that the stuff in the shot would still be affecting my butt cheek that bad 24 hours later... lol Anyways I'm starting to feel better when it comes to the nausea and dehydration and everything.... but the pain just won't go away... I'm really worried about what it is... what's causing it... why it's happening... all that jazz... So we told the lady that we were scared that we were just masking the pain or masking whatever it is that's going on, with the pain pills. I flat out told her that I don't want to be hiding something with pain pills for the rest of my life and I don't want to be taking them so much that I get addicted to the stupid things. So she switched my pain pill to I think it's called ult-ram so that it's not addictive. Then she put me on something that's supposed to help with acid reflux or something like it, thinking that that could hopefully help the pain that's in my chest and my back and behind my sternum, Then she put me on an antibiotic that is supposed to help out the shot that I got to get rid of the infection that they finally found. And she also put me on some muscle relaxers that will hopefully help the pain in my back and in my abdomen lighten up a little bit. Since the shot I'm feeling a little bit better. Since I stopped taking the pain killers the pain came back but a lot of the nausea and the dizziness have gone away. I've taken one of the other pills and it's helped the pain go away a little bit. As well as the muscle relaxer and the other pills that I've got... with how many different prescriptions I've gotten in the past week and only one of them (the antibiotic) was actually for something that they knew I needed for a definite, well and the pain pills that I needed for all the pain and the pain waves that I've been going through... I'm hoping that all these stupid things will start to help me by next week because I'd really like to get back to my regular life again... totally drama filled (cuz I'm the drama queen of it and I keep it that way. ;) lol ) I am out of my stupid foot boot now but I'm still not allowed to wear heels for another week and a half or 2 weeks... I'll probably stick closer to the 2 weeks because I'd rather be safe than sorry... which means no dancing in my Latin sandals or my standard pumps... So I have some gore boot type things that I'll be wearing. That is if I can get my back to start moving better and not hurt so freaking bad. At least I've been able to find a little bit of flexibility so that I can turn more to the sides and reach down further. So we'll see what happens and hope for the best. I just decided that I've said so a whole lot in this description of what has happened this week.... One good thing though is that it's sure ending in a pretty good way. It's conference weekend and I'm taking the conference challenge that a friend told me about. And my dad spent the whole week off work taking care of me so that I wasn't by myself. Then today he spent the day doing my hair. :) he's the best dad in the world!! I think we got around 50 in this time.. our all time record was when I was about 15 or so and it was like 85... it took for FOREVER!! LOL but it's the best.. :) I'll put a picture her in below so that you can see what it is. :) Well there is what happened this week and Hopefully it'll get better here soon. I'd sure like it to. It's pretty late now Liz and the baby just left a little bit ago and mom is getting ready for bed so I'm so going to head to.. maybe mom will let me take some pm pills to help me to sleep better and through the pain a little bit... maybe.. Last time I tried to take some pm pills I ended up in a whole bunch of pain for a week lol.. ;) But that was from another reason lol so I don't think I'd have to worry bout that to much. So anyways... talk to ya lata! Peace Kim